My Son--May He Be Like His Father One Day

Now that we have had Toddler Ann checked out by an eye doctor, we are more at ease. She has a pox in her eye-which can lead to scaring on the cornea--and yes, blindness, but we have a plan in place for treating it. My poor, sweet girl. So, I thought I would step back and tell you about Joe. Do you mind? He is the sweetest boy in the world. What is it with Baby Joe's? Are they not all the sweetest boys in the world? He is a trooper with his formula. So totally different than Ann! It does make him gassy, he does like to be held for a while after taking it, BUT he will let you put him down and he has been meeting all his 1 week milestones--ha, ha! you know the ones: pooping everyday, peeing 8-12 times a day--eating every 2 to three hours--the boy is perfect!! He is doing everything Dr. Spock says he should be doing!!! We are up every 2 hours over night cause this is his hungry time. Mommy sleeps (or tries to from 5 PM or so until 8 PM)...then I take motrin (the prescription kind), make coffee, and get ready to hunker down which means basically get up every two hours starting at 9 pm. I have never done feedings and newborn care alone before! My beloved husband always woke up right by my side and helped me out, handed me the wipes, took a turn at a feeding, washed up the pacifer (or fetched it from underneath the couch, got me a tissue or a burp clothe to tuck under baby's chin). We always did everything together but since he is on Toddler with Pox duty, I am alone. Which makes my heart empathize for single mothers like there is no tommorrow. Which makes me think about St. Joseph and the fall of fatherhood in our culture. Which makes me yearn that fatherhood is restored to our mad, mad, world.

Joseph's Birth Story

I have to type this fast! Toddler Ann may wake up from her nap. She has a computer radar. Anytime I am on the computer she KNOWS whether she is sleeping in the middle of the night or not. Joseph's birth story is a planned c-section story. But, it does have its twists and turns and it may be interesting to hear in case any of you find yourself going down this path because of maternal conditions, baby's needs, advanced maternal age, gestational diabetes, malpositioning! One of the former OBs who left my practice scheduled his "C" for May 1, 2012 which put him at 39 weeks on the dot. I am a big believer in full-term birth and even wanted to see about going a few extra days, but because 1) there were no more docs in my practice left to do the surgery I was more than penciled in for this date, this was the only game in town; 2) things become more and more dicey for babies with Moms who have gestational diabetes at the end; 3) I was told at 37 weeks that Joseph was already almost 9 pounds and would gain up to another pound; 4) Joe gave up his favorite position of a transverse lie (that is when the baby lies across you) and became a oblique transverse lie (a position that requires a mandatory c-section and an emergency c-section if one's water breaks); So, I went for my last non-stress tests leading up to 39 weeks. I was a wreck of course and almost failed a couple of them and fought with the nurses about the baby's heart rate, my blood pressure, his accelerations. On the Friday beforehand (my "C" was scheduled for the next Tuesday, I felt I had more moisture than normal and went in to see if I was leaking). They didn't exactly like this either but went through their protocal and checked me. Nope. Thank God. I also went to an extra Non-Stress Test or two for "decreased fetal movement." Again, Joe was fine. Just his mother was a nervous wreck. My doctor, who has delivered over 5,000 babies (she likes to tell everyone) studied her delivery with a reassuring concentration! The nurses said she even arrived early to the Labor and Delivery floor to look my chart over and she did 2 ultrasounds right before hand plus one the day before to check out the baby's position. She wrangled another doctor, a no-nonsense Castle Connelly doctor from New York to help her out and the nurses went into gear and had me in that surgery room a little after 8 am. I got my two favorite nurses, too, a seasoned one named Mary John and a sweetheart named Jennifer. Score! They were both efficient, kind, reassuring, and exceedingly competent. To the side was a NIC unit doctor, Dr. Lee, and a crumudgeon neonatal nurse, they looked relaxed. My doctors were cool as cucumbers, chatted back and forth, and did the deed! Baby Joe came out 38 minutes after 8 AM in the morning! I heard his weight announced and that he was a "Well Baby!" I think I also heard is APGAR score of 9 but I am not 100% sure if that's what I heard! Surprisingly, my anesthesia wore off pretty darn fast and I was able to move my legs--or at least one leg--relatively quickly! Jen was with us in the recovery room and we found ourselves speechless that we had had a baby once again! Jen wheeled me to the maternity wing and I was able to see Joe in the nursey window on my way over! He was, indeed, in the well baby nursey! And, this is all I cared about. His sugars were okay. They have to be above 45, his were around 50. Not spectacular but enough to keep him out of the NIC unit. Amazingly, my overworked pediatrician managed to call me in my room, wish me congratulations and tell me that they were keeping an eye on Joe's respiration because it was slightly fast. They said he had also had a bit of mucous he needed to get rid of and chalked everything up to being a C-Section baby. They wanted to keep him around the nursery for what they called a "transition" period. My last C-Section was in the middle of the night so waiting until dawn to see my baby didn't seem like a big deal. My second C-section was OVER by 9 am so waiting until the afternoon seemed like forever and I started to go CRAZY. It took everything in my power not to get up and run to get him in the nursery. Finally, I couldn't take it any longer and I got up, something like 8 hours later! I certainly broke a record for being the fatest post C-Section Mom to get up so fast. I am always put in the recovery room that is far from the nurses station but close to the nursery so I sweated my way over. I kept saying, "I just want to see the baby!" I complained the usual amount about my pain and they made adjustments. The big issue turned out to be GAS! Thank God I had nurse Emily on my second day. She MADE SURE that the gas was taken care of! Talk about 1st class service. She was a traveling nurse, I found out later. 6 feet 2 inches tall with a shoe size of 11 1/2 she meant business and was exactly the nurse I needed on hump day. Well, besides my break down as I was leaving (I always have one when I exit these places) things went--medically, well, well. I wouldn't trade a cut, incision, scar tissue, suppository, shot, blood thinner, needle, dose, flight or fight for anything. It was all worth it. Do it! If you are afraid of being too old, do it anyway. All you have to do is survive. You'll make it. If fat, old, tired, worn out me, made it through... You can, too!

Plagues, Pestilance and Baby HoneyMoon No More

Yes, you heard right. Our pediatrician forgot to give Toddler Ann her Chicken Pox vaccine and lo and behold she contracted (and more importantly) broke out in the contagious stage the week/day/hour I came home with Baby Joe. The rough part is the unknown. After consulting with the pediatricians, the head of infectious disease, the head of the NIC unit, the NIC unit doctor who saw Baby Joe when he came out, one outside physician, three lactation consultants, with Dr. Google (and after firing my pediatrician in my head and finding a new one), they have determined that Baby Joe *should* be protected under passive immunity--having received antibodies from me during the last few weeks of life because he was, thank god, FULL TERM. And, amazingly, had he been older, even 1 or 2 months old, it could have been worse! But, seriously, what are the chances? MY DAUGHTER is fully immunized. I even recieved a letter stating such in December so I could start interviewing/applying to preschools! But, oops, there was one oversight...the chicken pox vaccine. And, she does not even go to preschool or daycare. We DID go to the park a few weeks before, GROUND ZERO for disease around here...because there are so many international folks, though we live in a "wealthy community" it is a disgusting hotbed of disease acitivity. We've been reported to the CDC!! UGH. I feel horrible too because what we were chalking up to "adjustment behavior," she has not been sleeping, mostly whinning and wanting to be held (we figured it was regression) was really that she was terribly ill! And, she acts bossy when she is sick! Back and forth two times a day my husband managed to drag her to the hospital to visit us! It was no easy feat and he did it as she was feverish and cranky and incubating with the pox. FORTUNATELY, her pox are not that bad. They say they range from 50 to over 400 and we may end up around 100 or so! My beautiful girl!!! And, it was all preventable. Pray for me. Guys, I am already such a control freak there is little more I can do to control my children's world. And, when things like this happen I just go bananas inside with rage. I am angry at our hurried culture. Our doctors are all rushed and overworked. Nobody listens to anybody anymore. People jump to conclusions (like the horrid mean infectious disease nurse that thought I am a wacko Mom that doesn't immunize and now has put my baby at risk when really it was the Pediatricians office at fault and I just did not want to blame them publically). So much for my Baby Honeymoon. I get to worry for the next 21 days, inspect my baby's chest and face and neck constantly, check his temperature 6 times a day... And, he is so cute. Such a cuddler, such a little dude! It was going to be a sweet, sweet precious and gentle and peaceful time...all of us together. Now, I have to cringe when I see Toddler Ann approach wanting to give her baby brother a hug and a kiss. This almost breaks my heart more than anything else.

Meet Mario Or Yes, I Look Awful But I Was Walking in Less Than 11 Hours

Hi Guys! I missed you~ I sound like Paula Deen when I say this. Yes, here is Our Little Joe! Yes, NO PRIDE! I look horrible. I told ya all' that you guys take the cake when it comes to looking angelic after giving birth. Not this Momma! But, so what! He's here. Our little 8 pound 7 ouncer. Came out sideways and head up. Took two Castle Connelly doctors and four PRE-BIRTH ultrasounds to check out his position in order to pull him out safely. And, so far so good. I made it out of the maternity ward, almost without having a total breakdown. But, DID end up requiring a special "clinical care coordinator" to give me TLC and special attention a few times during my "magical stay." So, yes, I managed to complain and seem like the old, fat, panicked mother--OH WELL!!! Joe looks good. Of course, he had to have BORDERLINE JAUNDICE to make his Momma sweat it out and scream and shout for monitoring, blood tests results, yadda, yadda, yadda. His number is 12. And, anything 12 or over has to be watched! My little man is starting off just in the style that makes Momma bananas...being a borderline troublemaker. Can I just say, you breast feeding Moms are my heroines? I tried, for about 2 days. Joe was actually into it. I couldn't get a position that worked for BOTH OF US. My nipples are FLAT (didn't even know this until I tried to nurse); my back was killing; Joe was losing weight (fast!) toddler ended up with breast pump in her eye as she pretended it was a telescope when she would come to visit me! It.was.not.working.ladies. So, in true Little JoAnn form, I gave in. I loved the lactation consultant who asked me, "Do you want me to try to convince you not to?" That was a brilliant line, no? A cross between accepting someone where they are AT and being willing to COACH THEM ON to where they MIGHT REALLY want to be. LOVE it. My delivery nurses and docs where great! I went in ON TIME. They new they had to get rid of me. I bought them a fresh strawberry tart and this over-the-top french layered cakes with almonds on top--to die for. I still owe the baby nursery and maternity ward nurses a big fat cake. But, I really have to order a couple a few days ahead because I burned major bridges over there and they all hate me right now. The "older" and "wiser" nurses didn't let my demanding ways get to them! And, of course, my smart pediatrician practice just chuckled when they got my EMERGENCY AFTER HOURS while still being in the hospital (and they are the practice that covers all babies in the nursery and go there everyday at 6 am anyways, lol!) So, what's it like having a baby at home? Did I tell you I got up within 11 hours 'cause my legs felt like they were on an airplane too long and BAM doctor said, GET HER UP. So, I did, BAM! UP on the same day of my surgery, and walking and screaming and complaining up a storm the very same day. Darn, the nurses were saying, "We wanted to keep her down." I did have a crazy scene leaving the hospital. The nurses were trying to be super controlling and showing me HOW TO TIGHTEN the CARSEAT about 10 different ways. First she made me tighten in then re-tighten in, then it was so tight it put a red mark on the baby's shoulder. I screamed, "Listen, I use to teach an infant car safety class at the Fire Department, so take it down a notch!" I also said to my husband as she was taking her time reading our discharge papers, "I have to go to the bathroom so let's read through this stuff without too asking her too many questions." Of which she answered, "Oh I have 12 hours, I'll be here all day!" That made Momma Bear ANGRY so I said in return, "Well, I have to go to the bathroom so I want to get home (it was a lame come back, I admit), she answered, "Just use the bathroom right here." ERRRRRRR. I managed to say, "I want to use my OWN bathroom." To get us back, right before all the paperwork was done she "disappeared" and said something about having to find a volunteer to get a wheelchair and that it might take a while sending my husband and 2 year old off to get the car and leaving me waiting in the hall! I.started.to.panic.at.this.point.cause.I.hate.middle.class.thirty.something year olds.whose.life.mission.is.to.be.controlling. I flagged down the maternity "Clinical Coordinator" and managed to tell her that I did not have my cell phone with me and that our exit plan was getting messed up as my poor husband was waiting for me downstairs in the lobby and there was no wheelchair in sight for me to leave on. She.being.smart.instead.of.controlling.FOUND.ONE and got me OUT OF THERE! And, this was after me having to tell her that I found a flea on the baby when he got back from the nursery after a morning visit!!!!! A had to report a flea! I figured if it was only in my room, I would have let it go. But, really, it was from the nursery as I had done everything in my power to keep him roomed in with me most of the time. Even still, he went home with a nasty rash. And, I caused a total scene reporting and complaining and crying hysterical about his rash that I said was PREVENTABLE but that the nurses were minimizing my feedback by day 2! I have a really deep and sweet post in mind. It is all about the spirituality of St. Joseph, all about the Love of the Father, about forgiveness and manliness and how the heart of a mother is truly MADE by loving and being loved by the Heart of the Father. It's a post, once again, in Ode of My Dear Beloved Husband. Who is the world's greatest father and husband. But, I have to catch some shut eye our Little Man needs to eat every 2 hours to flush out his remaining jaundice. Little Dude is totally adorable. I call him Mario Batali because he looks just like him, a strawberry blond, chubby little dude with an out this world funny sideways smile. He looks like a celebrity from the by-gone days, somebody I can't think of now but who would have been famous when Judy Garland was singing on stage. He is TOTALLY CUTE and LOVES to listen to us with his eyes closed and smile and laugh at our household ways. He's gonna have me tied around his finger like the little Frank Sinatra I know that he is. LOVE YOU GUYS. Thanks so much to Sunshine for texting me and making my lonely days in the hospital less so! My husband was on toddler duty and he had it rougher than me this last week. Will post my deep thoughts soon!

On the Eve of Meeting Our Baby

Well, who can express what it feels like to know you are having a baby cut out of your uterus in less 11 hours. Unless we get bumped! Ha! I learned today, that deliveries are at an all time high right now at our little favorite hospital in the woods. For example, today's 8 O'Clock C-Section got bumped along with today's 9 am C-Section. The later one did not get started until 11 am. I was at the hospital today for my LAST stress test. I watched as the families that were waiting outside in the backed up waiting room waited even longer. Even a Mom I know is scheduled to deliver tomorrow--with me--she is really backed up--being induced one week, perhaps 2 weeks AFTER her due date. I thought she already had her baby over a week ago. God bless her, she is having her fifth child! I was briefed this afternoon by my doctor doing the big surgery. It really is something else that I am getting the HEAD doctor. Because of Divine Providence, there is no one left in her practice to do it. SHE will be doing my Transverse Lie C-Section. She made sure THAT was WRITTEN IN on my CONSENT FORM. I had to sign and initial next to TRANSVERSE LIE today in the scurried and hurried, frazzled atmosphere of one of her tiny, cramped exam rooms. I told her, "If it is between me or the baby. Save the baby." I am not trying to sound melodramatic. I am really not. UGH. Among other things she told me, "We will get this baby out however we have to." I took this to mean that if she had to make a bigger cut or the other kind of cut, she will. She said, "I know what I will do, 'external inversion' under anesthesia" She said, "This position is a little bit better" when she looked at the baby on ultrasound in her office today. She said, "Woaaaahhhh...did you just feel THAT! HE MOVED AGAIN!" She said, "We'll use the vaccum." I said, "We have to use a vaccum?!" She said, "We might." I asked, "Where?" She said, "His stomach." UGH. That's all we really said together. Because I wanted her to be able to concentrate as she read my chart. She asked, "How big are they saying he is now." She told me, "I have delivered 4,000 babies, you are in the best hands you can be." I asked her in a casual way, "Is this sorta like delivering twins?" I had read that a second twin often is in a transverse lie position. She answered right away, "Oh, no! This is much more difficult!!" 4,000 births, I just have to keep thinking about her expertise. She can do it. She can, she can. Of course, she can! She is the TOP DOCTOR in this practice. Not to mention, she is being assisted by another Castle Connolly TOP DOCTOR. Jesus I Trust in You! St. Faustina, pray for us! St. Joseph Protect Us! This baby is coming out however he has to. Without modern medicine and the procedure of a C-Section, this baby and this momma would not be making it. My kind of delivery happens in about .3%, okay, I'll round up to 1% of pregnancies. At least it is not an emergency C-Section. St. Joseph already protected us here when I consented and got ironically excited about having May 1st, the Feast of St. Joseph the Worker as my "due date." Who knew, then, that I was averting a possible emergency C-Section which does not have a good outcome in the event of a transverse lie! Yes, having St. Joseph's Due Date as my prize has saved the day! I love you St. Joseph. Please tell Jesus how much we Love Him.

Uterine Rupture

The thing about being labeled a worrier is everyone thinks just when you stop worrying about one thing, you find another thing to worry about. And, yet, for me, worry has been productive. Voicing my concerns, because I voice my concerns, has meant that I have prevented some REAL problems (and for some strange reason made professionals and assistants feel bad). I also saved the life of my first born child. But, it can mean that you end up appearing like the Boy Who Cried Wolf. Which ain't good. Then, you are simply not taken seriously at all. I try to strike a balance with worrying and expressing. Because the last thing I want to do is worry/complain/ask so many questions that I am totally tuned out. At my last ultrasound, I was focused on the baby's weight. Is he going to be macrosomic or not? And, to answer my fellow blogger's question about why this is a bad thing...in my case, having gestational diabetes, it is bad in that it would have meant my metabolic environment caused the baby to overgrow his genetic body-type, setting him up for future metabolic syndrome and making him more likely to have RDS, hypoglycemia, etc. To be sure, this baby is going to be on the big side. But, having a truly MACROSOMIC baby, this is what I was hoping to prevent by following a crazy regime of 15 prescriptions, an 8 member OB-TEAM, hundreds of shots, round the clock monitoring, starvation. Did I tell you I gained 10 pounds and the baby weighs 8? Now, I am not focused on his size issue--at all. Why? Because I have a worse one to worry about!! My oblique lie. My malpositioned baby. Thank God, Dr. Rebecca, penciled me in for a C-Section before she left my crazy OB practice without any doctors! It was thought I probably needed one for my gestational diabetes, for my history: my last pregnancy failing to progress, for obesity and blood clotting issues. But, now...ugh...even if all those other factors were not in play...and they very much still are...I have a malpositioned baby that will never come out through the birth canal. I thought this would happen. Why, because it happens in about 1 % of pregnancies. Yep, that good ol' 1%. It happens in women who have, ironically, given birth to more than 4 babies. I knew my uterus was all out of wack. I knew this baby was sitting across my stomach and killing me softly in my ribs. My previous C-Section scar has hurt like no tomorrow, especially when I get up or lie down, and I had been metioning this, over and over and over again, (to no avail) to my doctors who haven't blinked an eye. And why have I been in so much pain? Because the baby has been malpositioned this whole time. The doctors haven't cared and will not care until you are knocking on delivery's door. So, now...I am knocking. And, they are freaking (just a bit). I thought I had some leakage last night so I had to go to Labor and Delivery and have a special Did Your Water Break Test...where they check you with strips and a speculum and the not so much fun bag of tools. "No," was the answer; I thank God. Apparently, if your water does break you have 20 minutes to act or the baby could have cord prolapse. Not good! What scares me the most is how slow they reacted last night. I was there for an hour before they did the "Did Her Water Break Test." The L&D room is like a sorority clubhouse. They sit around eating red velvet cupcakes and chat and diss as far as I can see. Yuck-o. The place smells like Pork Low Mein and the nurses look like guests on the Maury Povich Show. And, this hospital has a good reputation. Worse, they think I am an over-reactor. I have to seriously start kissing up (and stop asking questions) because they are not crazy about me--at all. I better stop running around this weekend even if it is to buy them cakes and treats and spinach pie so they, at least, act like they care. Oh my! But, I really do still need to get these crazy nurses something to change their moods from hostile to helpful. They are horrid. I have learned now that a C-Section with the oblique or transverse lie is, of course, one of the hardest kinds of c-section. Risky and totally necessary to get the baby out. I might, even, have to have the other kind of CUT, not the bikini kind. The big kind of cut. And, I might, even, have to go under all the way, not the semi-knocked out version you get with a bikini cut incision. UGH. I miss my first C-Section. I didn't know how good I had it. That's another thing about being on top of your care...you realize later that the earlier worry was nothing compared to the big worry that eventually rears its head. I hope being a 1% incident thing, the doctors get a very good night's sleep the night before and don't just dismiss me as a chronically freaked out patient. Who knew this would be the ultimate issue? The safety of my safe C-Section? That I would be having a high risk C-Section? For BABY and for ME. Now I get to watch them worry about my platelet count, potential uterine rupture, preventing hemmorrage. UGH, UGH, UGH, UGH, UGH. St. Joseph Pray for Baby! Our Lady of Perpetual Help, Pray for Momma! St. Gianna, Pray for my Doctors!

The Incredible Shrinking Side-Ways Baby

I went for my "last" ultrasound today. Baby is, well, ugh, measuring in the eights, but now, not 100% macrosomic. What??? Was it all my complaining? Was it me talking to every single doctor about it? Was it me not eating anything but roast beef and alpine swiss these last 10 days? Are they just trying to reassure me? Just trying to make me relax before the scheduled C-Section. Good strategy if they are!!! Tell her the baby is not macrosomic and if he ends up being slightly macrosomic, no harm done. I mean, he is not going to be over 4,500 g...that is the second cut off for official macrosomia, the first one (cut off) is 4,000 g. No, his EFW (estimated fetal weight) this time was a mere 3860 or so. I was squinting to see the number on the screen...I think that is what it said. BUT! Baby MUST make up for this sigh of relief. Yes, I am having a large 8 pounder, but not a nine pounder...most likely. And, I am grateful for this if it ends up being true. And, the doctor said another reassuring thing...she doesn't see a ton of stomach fat on this big guy...called antipose fat, something like that. So, that's GOOD NEWS! BUT! Baby has made up for this sigh of relief. He is now lying in an oblique position! LOL! He WAS head down only last week. But, now he is not exactly transverse and definately not head down he is in an even weirder side to side position that my doctor is going to have to reach in and turn him breech THEN deliver him, breech that is! It's a very rare birth angle apparently. Even rarer than breech and transverse! So, my perinatologist has told me the OB needs to do a last minute ultrasound on me OR ELSE! Right after my appointment she got on the phone and called the OB and told her about Baby Joe's oblique transverse lie! And, what are the chances of having a baby in this malposition? 1%...and, there is a risk for cord prelapse. If my waters break, I have 20 minutes to get to the emergency room. We bought a house 10 minutes from the hospital last year. When there is 24 hours left in the game these people get on the ball! Well, actually, there is more than 24 hours left but it feels like it is only a day away. I am getting excited. And, I am dreaming about eating strawberry shortcake (I'll admit, I am pretty shallow at times) and gulping down a PILSNER BEER. Pilsner Urquel to be exact. A glass of French Rose with a hunk of sourdough bread & salted butter...and the marital embrace...I'm lookin' forward to THESE things!!! We still have a pink bumper on our bassinet. I just can't bring myself to pluck down a 100 bucks for a new one from POTTERY BARN FOR KIDS. Of course, for my first baby, I bought her an expensive bassinet complete with a top dollar bumper! But, unlike the crib, which I kept neutral, I went for pink gingham on the bassinet. So, that's what Joe Francis is having unless I freak out and run to the mall this weekend! Saturday, Sunday, Monday, then baby at 8 am on Tuesday! A baby. A real live baby! Do you think this is all happening? I am still NOT convinced!